But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried.

No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in Gods hands.

WebThe 164 and More web site Use 164andMore.com to search the Big Book and the 12&12. The first 164 pages also discuss the differences between a normal drinker, a hard drinker, and a real alcoholic.

I went back to the bar. We may be short in our accounts and unable to make good. Outsiders became interested.

He will tell you he is misunderstood. After one of those days of inferno, I wobbled from a hotel bar to a brokerage office. He can scarcely square the account in his lifetime. If your man accepts your offer, it should be pointed out that physical treatment is but a small part of the picture. Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider anothers conception of God. You may not like some of them. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold.

We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God. He may be anything but that.

Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. His call to the clergyman led him presently to a certain resident of the town, who, though formerly able and respected, was then nearing the nadir of alcoholic despair.

(1939) The authorities were much concerned. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. And then the book begins to give a solution to We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.

It is not to be expected that an alcoholic employee will receive a disproportionate amount of time and attention. But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. The First 164 Pages. You should continue to be friendly to them.

There is a solution.

But those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them. I wondered whether I dared hide a full bottle of gin near the head of our bed.

The standard book page for books published by traditional publishing companies ranges from 250-300 words. As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind that it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails with dinner. He will be able to take a position with such a man which is eminently fair and square. He got drunk. Half measures availed us nothing. We liked it. We are not theorizing. Nothing more. From what you tell me, I know more than ever I cant stop. At this both the visitors burst into a laugh. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process.

While on the subject of confidence, can you adopt the attitude that so far as you are concerned this will be a strictly personal matter, that his alcoholic derelictions, the treatment about to be undertaken, will never be discussed without his consent? Physically, I felt fine.

If you are satisfied he really wants to get over drinking, you need not be alarmed. The faith and sincerity of both you and your husband will be put to the test. They trust their God.

They have solved the drink problem.

We have made our demonstration, done our part.



On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet.

Do not set your heart on reforming your husband. We could not prove life in the sense that you can prove a straight line is the shortest distance between two points, yet, there it was. Web164 and More has 660 pages and is physically about the same size as a hardcover Big Book.

The family must realize that dad, though marvelously improved, is still convalescing.

He clings to the notion that he will yet find a way to do so.

He had a desperate desire to stop, but saw no way out, for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day.

Our own recovery proves that!

Web164 and More has 660 pages and is physically about the same size as a hardcover Big Book.

Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesnt.

Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. When others showed us that God-sufficiency worked with them, we began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never fly. Why not at least afford him an opportunity to hear my story? We do not dodge our creditors. The practical individual of today is a stickler for facts and results. Webhow many words are in the first 164 pages of the big bookcheese trail wisconsin lodging. That statement hit me hard.

We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out.

He may not share your enthusiasm, but he is practically sure to read the book and he may go for the program at once.

There they were told that the book would probably be only about four hundred pages when printed.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, It wont burn me this time, so heres how! Or perhaps he doesnt think at all. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. The response was so encouraging that printing was commissioned and this web site was developed.

Over any considerable period we get worse, never better. Plenty of difficulties presented themselves.

He left us a note saying you were the best boss he ever had, and that you were not to blame in any way.. Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge.

There must be many such in this town. Cling to the thought that, in Gods hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have-the key to life and happiness for others. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time! If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

Their chances are less than average.

Small wonder many in the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery! Still the play does not suit him. If persisted in for a few months, the effect on a mans family is sure to be great.

We have been terror stricken.

Under only slightly different conditions, the same thing is taking place in many eastern cities. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness. If we can forget, so can she. Show him your copy of this book and tell him what you have found out about alcoholism.

But these scrapes can generally be charged, no matter how bad, to the abnormal action of alcohol on his mind.

And now were seeing some publishers produce book that run from 100,000 to WebThe book [15] consists of over 400 pages.

In addition to saving time, you can be sure that all instances are located. The family of an alcoholic longs for the return of happiness and security.

WebSo Bill and Hank Parkhurst (The Unbeliever in the first edition) went to Cornwall to see Blackwell. Hearts are broken.

Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. We heard no more of Fred for a while.

Science tells us so.

But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It boils right down to this: No man should be fired just because he is alcoholic. You do not know what to tell the children. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined. Whenever possible, let your husband explain. We might prejudice them. They see its significance everywhere. At the same time you will feel no reluctance to rid yourself of those who cannot or will not stop. As our work spreads and our numbers increase, we hope your employees may be put in personal contact with some of us.

So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. May I do Thy will always! We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.

It may mean the loss of many nights sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business.

Wherever men are gathered together in business there will be rivalries and, arising out of these, a certain amount of office politics.

Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he must act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed. I could almost hear the sound of the preachers voice as I sat, on still Sundays, way over there on the hillside; there was that proffered temperance pledge I never signed; my grandfathers good natured contempt of some church folk and their doings; his insistence that the spheres really had their music; but his denial of the preachers right to tell him how he must listen; his fearlessness as he spoke of these things just before he died; these recollections welled up from the past. We do not mean that you have to agree with your husband whenever there is an honest difference of opinion. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge.

We say this because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person. Was I crazy? What could we have done better?

Then, in this eastern city, there are informal meetings such as we have described to you, where you may now see scores of members. The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.

Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. And then the book begins to give a solution to We want to analyze mistakes we have made. Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion.

We wouldnt treat sick people that way. Most stand-alone novels run between 80,000 and 95,000 words. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.

If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution.

But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.

Your junior executive may not agree with the contents of our book. We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path. WebThe book [15] consists of over 400 pages.

He may bring new hope and new courage to many a priest, minister, or rabbi, who gives his all to minister to our troubled world.

The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Why cant he? Why dont you drink like a gentleman or quit? That fellow cant handle his liquor. Why dont you try beer and wine? Lay off the hard stuff. His will power must be weak. He could stop if he wanted to. Shes such a sweet girl, I should think hed stop for her sake. The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again.. The first 164 pages also discuss the differences between a normal drinker, a hard drinker, and a real alcoholic.

Sometimes it is to the best interest of all concerned that a couple remain apart. WebBig Book, page 164 While the program is considered a suggested method for dealing with the disease of Alcoholism, there are places within the Big Book where the authors used the word MUST. The following is a list of the 40 Musts from the Big Book. It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life-or else. So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness.

Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, I dont miss it at all. Proceed to the ordering screen to calculate S&H based on the destination country. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. The family is mystified. May God bless you and keep you-until then. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. We admit we have some of these symptoms, but we have not gone to the extremes you fellows did, nor are we likely to, for we understand ourselves so well after what you have told us that such things cannot happen again. My business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while.

Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. Let them remember that his drinking wrought all kinds of damage that may take long to repair. I had arrived.

Despite the living example of my friend there remained in me the vestiges of my old prejudice.

To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends- this is an experience you must not miss. Fear gripped him. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. The book is spiral bound to lay flat and the cover is laminated for durability. He has begun to try, with or without your cooperation, various means of moderating or staying dry.

164 and More is organized alphabetically by keyword; it takes just a few seconds to find the passage you seek. We were usually as definite as this example: We went back through our lives. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic!

They grew in numbers.

But life was not easy for the two friends. It crowded out all else: This man recounts that he tumbled out of bed to his knees. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Im afraid to go out the door. He gets stirred up about their troubles, but not at all about yours.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. Our fears fall from us.

It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. But the wise family will admire him for what he is trying to be, rather than for what he is trying to get.
If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result. The fact is that he should work with other people to maintain his own sobriety. Let him ask you that question, if he will. How could men who loved their wives and children be so unthinking, so callous, so cruel? But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.

Surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience. It is the proper use of the will. In the midst of an understanding and sympathetic family, these vagaries of dads spiritual infancy will quickly disappear. You may have to curb his desire to work sixteen hours a day.

The papers reported men jumping to death from the towers of High Finance. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

As you type, words are displayed which match your keystrokes. How then shall we present that which has been so freely given us? With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. We had long talks when I would still her forebodings by telling her that men of genius conceived their best projects when drunk; that the most majestic constructions of philosophic thought were so derived. He becomes a religious enthusiast. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort. Being intrigued, however, he invited our friend to his home. All this time our friend of the hotel lobby incident remained in that town. Then that terrible tension which grips the home of every problem drinker will be lessened. A 40,000 to 80,000-word memoir is around 150-265 pages, a standard book-length for the genre. Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. With a certain satisfaction I reflected there was enough gin concealed about the house to carry me through that night and the next day.

Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. They explained their need and inquired if she had a first class alcoholic prospect.

One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice. For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is needed or wanted. Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. And then, with a better motive, had we not worshipfully beheld the sunset, the sea, or a flower? It may cause him to die a few years before his time.

You may be afraid your husband will lose his position; you are thinking of the disgrace and hard times which will befall you and the children.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. Not all of us join religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.

They have recreational facilities. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Oh no, said my friend, this chap is either through with liquor, or he is minus a job. He told her what he would try to do in the future. Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals. Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years standing melt away in an hour. God didnt do it. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful.

A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry wont fill the bill at all. Maybe he is beginning to lose his friends. Assume on the other hand that father has, at the outset, a stirring spiritual experience. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. A man we know had remarried.

Alcoholism may be causing your organization considerable damage in its waste of time, men and reputation.

Ask him if he thinks he has the answer.

Also, grammar has been changed in some cases, as well as, the numbers cited have been changed We never, never try to arrange a mans life so as to shield him from temptation. Life would be wonderful. Sooner or later, you are likely to find him reading the book once more.

A drunk may smash the furniture in your home, or burn a mattress. She met these responsibilities gallantly. We were bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a Power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak, even cowardly.

He was interested and conceded that he had some of the symptoms, but he was a long way from admitting that he could do nothing about it himself. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us. He lost the race by only a narrow margin.

Permit that and you only harm him. Im a goner. The employer can many times protect the victim from this kind of talk.

It was my second meeting ever, the previous one being the same group, one week before. Then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish I feared I would burst through my window, sash and all. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Font size and other factors impact this number. This had to be stopped. When I returned to the hotel it struck me a highball would be fine before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one.

This time we stayed broke.

We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. Many of us, former patients, go there to help.

He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. One instance comes to mind in which a malicious individual was always making friendly little jokes about an alcoholics drinking exploits. But I cannot accept as surely true the many articles of faith which are so plain to him. So it was comforting to learn that we could commence at a simpler level.

We find it a real mistake to dampen his enthusiasm for alcoholic work.

As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down.

We asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. The unexpected result was that our husbands seemed to like it. We found, too, that we had been worshippers. So cooperate; never criticize. Sometimes we alcoholics have an idea that people are trying to pull us down. I was shocked, but interested.

Abruptly in October 1929 hell broke loose on the New York stock exchange. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things, when such action is warranted.

Your house is filled with strangers. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action.

Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the person. Raffles at various events and gifts to individuals brought the book into circulation. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. Who are you fellows, and why this private room? Be patient.

Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesnt work. There are the same fast friendships, there is the same helpfulness to one another as you find among our western friends.

We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends.

They may not see why their love and devotion did not straighten him out. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholics drinking bout creates. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, For Gods sake, how did I ever get started again? Only to have that thought supplanted by Well, Ill stop with the sixth drink. Or Whats the use anyhow?. Though he is now a most effective member of Alcoholics Anonymous, he still smokes and drinks coffee, but neither his wife nor anyone else stands in judgment. The exercise of an option brought in more money, leaving us with a profit of several thousand dollars for that year. I could laugh at the gin mills. We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health.

Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker. There were many unhappy scenes in our sumptuous apartment.

But hes a grand chap when hes sober, though hes been in here eight times in the last six months.

I know, in my own particular case, that nothing my company could have done would have stopped me for, so long as I was able to hold my position, I could not possibly realize how serious my situation was.

They want him to make a fuss over them.

Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion. So we used our own conception, however limited it was.

A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. Resentment grows. You might say you appreciate his abilities, would like to keep him, but cannot if he continues to drink.

He did no drinking until he was thirty-five. He has hired and fired hundreds of men.

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